The Essence of Nothing
by Blue Flaming Wings
Summary: This Holder was apparently under the impression that my designation as a charon was my name. As succinctly as I could, I clarified, "You do not understand, Holder. My name is not Charon, I am a charon. I am Nothingness and Death, incarnate."
1. Preface: The Contract

Introduction:

The following document records the newly formed collaboration between the Holder of this contract and the charon which is beholden and bound to the agreement between both parties – the upper, being the Holder who holds the essence of the Higher One and can Commune with Him in part, and the lower, being this charon, who – like all of their ilk – was formed out of the collected Nothingness at the Beginning.

As the Holder, and therefore the current possessor of the Spirit of the Contract and one of the embodiment of He who exists in all human beings, your charon is fourfold compelled to obey your every order and whim with but a few exceptions. The fourfold compulsions are thus: belief, psychological conditioning, Induced Addiction-Like Symptoms and genetic modification. The previously mentioned compulsions and the limitations in the dominance of the contract over the charon shall be mentioned in greater length in sections III and IV respectively.

The Primaries

A. The First Primary

The primary objective, and indeed, the very purpose of the charon is to ensure the continual life of the Holder, for as long as that time shall be. Due to this, in terms of skills, talents, abilities and knowledge the greatest emphasis is placed on combat oriented ones. For example, a charon's primary skills could range from the handling of short-ranged, small arms to the operating of weapons of mass destruction. For information on this one's primary combat skills, along with all secondary skills and general knowledge, please turn to section V. .

B. The Second Primary

The second primary objective is to meet all the wants and needs of the Holder's. This ranges from basic survival needs – like the gathering of food, the elimination of hostiles, the scavenging of supplies and the finding of strategically defensible shelter, to mundane ones, like being able to do menial labor and manage the stock and inventory for stores, to even sexual ones – be it simple sexual intercourse or more unique sexual fetishes with the exception of sadomasochist fetishes due to the possibility of harm to either or both parties. Though, in cases where the Holder and the charon are of opposite genders, not all charons are sterile so there is risk of unwanted conception.

Since a charon will follow any and all orders save for the given exceptions the Holder can order the charon to do acts that have been traditionally considered crimes in most societies, like theft, sexual assault, covert and overt assassinations and the conducting of torture to name a few.

Note: Due to this one's incorporation into the Advancement Program, the charon has undergone forced ghoulification so being sterile is one of the results. See section VI for more details.

C. The Third Primary

The last main objective of the charon is to ensure its own continual existence. In many cases this objective coincides with the initial, and most prominent, primary objective – that is to secure the survival of the Holder. For example, should the Holder put both parities into a situation where his or her continual life and the charon's continual existence is at risk the charon will be compelled to state the probability of coming out of the encounter unscathed (depending on the charon's level of competence in mathematics this may be a exact percentage or a approximate estimation) and will, with permission, list alternative actions that can be taken to accomplish the Holder's goal.

There are instances where the third primary will clash with the first, in which case the charon will cease functioning and state "Third Primary Initiative Error" and await new instructions. If taken to the radical extreme, where the Holder is openly trying to kill the charon the contract will be invalidated by the Spirit of the Contract leaving the Holder and the charon will retaliate in kind.

Note: This is the only instance where a charon can attack a Holder. A charon will not attack a Holder if ordered to and will merely state, "First Primary Initiative Error." However, should a Holder attempt to commit suicide themselves, by putting a gun to their head for example, the charon will not interfere.

The Secondaries

A. The First Secondary

The first of the secondary objectives is to maintain, via practice, combat efficiency. This varies from charon to charon by their various specialties. For example, a charon who is an expert at explosives may require a fully functional lab in order to practice the creation of small explosives like pipe-bombs and frag grenades. In most cases, practice takes place in the form of a shooting range for the charon's weapon of choice.

This, like the other two secondaries, can be utterly controlled and manipulated by the Holder, to the point where the time, place, the nature of the practice and the length of time devoted to the practice can be decided. The Holder can even demand that no practice be done in order to manage the time that would have been spent for another purpose entirely, but only to the point where it does not interfere with the first and/or third primary.

B. The Second Secondary

The second of the secondary objectives deals with the primary necessities for the continuance of the charon's existence. Nourishment, rest and excrement being the optimal three. Once more the Holder can decide the time, place and, in regards to nourishment, the type of diet for the charon. Furthermore, the Holder may choose how little or how much time the charon can devote to each, but only to the point where it does not interfere with the third primary.

C. The Third Secondary

The last of the secondaries is the upkeep of all other secondary skills, outside of combat oriented ones. For all charons this includes the ability to read and write, which is a necessary tool in order to recreate the material embodiment of the contract should it ever be lost or destroyed. Once more, the time, place and length of time spent on the maintenance can be determined by the Holder. Furthermore, as the Holder , you can order the charon to focus on certain existing secondary skills as well as have the charon devote time to acquiring new skills of the Holder's preference. All adjustments to either primary or secondary skills shall then be added into the contract by the charon. As mentioned previously, a list of this one's primary abilities, that is, the combat oriented ones, and secondary abilities can be found in section V.

The Compulsions

A. The Purpose

The purpose behind the promoting and reinforcement of the compulsions mentioned in the introduction is threefold: for the gathering of charons to suppress their inner Nothingness, for the creation of supremely loyal soldiers so that the Death within them may be used for the usage of the Higher One, and so that the human can receive service from the charons who are beneath them as is their due.

B. Belief

For the charons who have been raised within the Order of Jotelin they have all formed a set of beliefs which is formally known as charonism. This faith is a monotheistic religion with pantheistic touches to it. The basic belief system of charonism is as follows:

_In the Beginning, there was Nothing. Then, the Higher One, known throughout the ages by many names and even reverenced as multiple gods, formed the universe out of the void and filled it with life. But then He saw the life was empty and hollow, and so He filled it. All life, from the smallest of ants to the ancient trees and lastly the sentient man – all He filled and made sacred. _

_But then the Nothingness collected, merged into one, and formed into a new being: Charon, Death itself. Upon Charon's birth, the earth shook and quaked and all the life began to drain away with the Higher One's corporal Self dying along with it. In order to protect the sacredness of life, the Higher One formed a Contract with Charon and broke It up into innumerable pieces._

_So then the Higher One took the shards of Charon and placed them in hosts among mankind, and when the Nothingness entered the essence of the Higher One fled, for He, in His holiness, could not stand the presence of Charon, like It quelled in the presence of Him. So when the Higher One left the host was left hollow and empty, their humanity stripped away. The first charons were born. _

_For some time, peace reigned – a era where no death came and no disease existed. Yet within the hosts, Charon stirred and leaked out Death upon the world, and in its wake, evil was born, polluting the hearts of men. Swiftly the men turned on one another and the death of mankind was all but assured. _

_Among the people of the time was one known as Jotelin, who held Commune with the Higher One. So Jotelin told Him, "Let us suppress the Death held within the charons as you have suppressed the might of Charon – through the use of a Contract. May all charons be bound to a contract, which holds the Spirit of the Contract, to a human, a living being, whom Your essence fills." _

_Yet the bombs still fell and mankind and all its civilizations shattered, yet as Charon rose to make the Earth barren Jotelin started on a quest to find a charon to enter into a contract with. After many trials, Jotelin succeeded and annihilation was averted. Since then the First Holder, the Alpha Holder, He Who Communes With the Higher One, Jotelin Himself has been gathering charons and has been instructing them in the way of charonism. _

So, in conclusion, the system presented in the previous section, known as the Creed, initially compels the charon to obey the Holder, for in doing so the charon suppresses its own inner Nothingness which has not only influenced men to do evil but also creates disasters, such as the Great War, that lets Charon be one step closer to bringing extinction to all life. Furthermore, by acting under the orders of a Holder, this inherent Nothingness, the very nature of Death, can then be used for a holy purpose. For more information about the Creed and the doctrines of charonism refer to your charon for relevant details.

Note: The Creed above not only serves as a listing of the basic doctrines of charonism but also acts as a identifying marker to determine that this document is, in fact, genuine and not a forgery in the case that such a fact need be determined. The identifying marker in the Creed for this charon is: cursive penmanship.

C. Psychological Conditioning

1. Memory Wiping

The first step in psychologically conditioning a charon to follow a Holder is to ensure that they have no other secondary influences. Preferably, this means that the charon is initiated into the Order at birth or, at the latest, early childhood. Unfortunately, due to the sparse population more often then not any child that can be found is taken in. In order to avoid any future complications all family members and friends of the child are then eliminated. If the child is accompanied by another child then both are taken in, but neither will have any more interaction with one another.

Once all ties have been cut, the next phase is to ensure that the charon has a complete memory wipe. This is achieved in a number of ways. Firstly, we find out the child's entire past: name, date of birth, place of birth, biological parents, caretakers if orphaned or abandoned, likes, dislikes, ect. In essence, discover all information which the charon, incorrectly, assumes determines and defines who they are as a individual. After each memory wipe questions such as, "What is your name?", "How old are you?", "What do your parents look like?" are then asked. If the charon shows any signs of recollection, then more memory wipes are done, if the charon shows no recollection then a final memory wipe will then occur as a precautionary measure. As for the methods done to create a full scale memory wipe, this is done in two primary ways:

First, the charon is administered the drug U0126 and Jet, the second of which is a post-war narcotic and so possesses no scientific name. Jet enhances the effects of Uo126 so that not only are multiple memories erased but are wiped out instantaneously. Next, the charon is anesthetized and undergoes brain surgery. Then, the drug ZIP is injected directly into the brain in order to fully suppress the memories.

2. Positive Reinforcement and Punishment

Immediately after the procedure is over, the charon is then introduced to its first Holder, who is, traditionally, a ranking officer among the Order of Jotelin. At that point, the actual, physical form of the contract will not exist, and will remain as such until the charon is far enough along in the indoctrination process for it to write out the original draft. Nevertheless, the charon will be taught to reverence the Holder as the embodiment of the Higher One and the possessor of the Spirit of the Contract, along as be taught about the other doctrines of the Creed and learn both primary and secondary skills. This process, known as the indoctrination process, traditionally takes place over the course of six years. If the charon is incorporated into other programs within the Order, such as the Advancement Program, that time is then lengthened.

After introduction to the Holder, the charon will then remain secluded and isolated from any and all interaction with others outside of the Holder. The first step the Holder then takes is to establish a sense of complete power and control over the charon. Due to a child's natural inclination to obey adult authoritative figures, there is already a foundation off which to build the psychological conditioning off of.

Though the charon contains no memories of its past self, it still retains qualities which one would deem as childlike. These qualities include the desire to play, have close, physical contact, short attention-spans and other bodily needs such as needing to eat, drink and excrete. The first lesson that the Holder teaches is that none of the charon's desires matter. That it can only play when the Holder allows it to, be hugged only when and if the Holder deems it necessary and by whomever the Holder deems necessary, and will only be able to satisfy bodily needs when the Holder permits.

Throughout the course of the indoctrination process, whenever the charon successfully obeys, the action is reinforced either verbally with comments such as "You are learning well.", "You are improving." and "Your actions have pleased the Higher One and the Order." Eventually, however, such comments need not be said and should not be said for the charon is expected to obey and do so without expecting compensation of any sort. Other positive reinforcement can come in the forms of allowing the charon to choose what type of meal it can have for the day or introducing it to a particularly desired primary or secondary skill that it had wished to learn. However, all forms of positive reinforcement pose as hazards. As noted previously, in the first, should compliments be used too frequently the charon may come to the conclusion that its behavior should be noticed and that on its own it can do deeds of worth. In the second and third scenarios, there are the risks of the charon forming its own preferences, in desiring certain meals and/or lessons over others. Due to this, often the charon must undergo a second memory wipe at the end of the indoctrination process in order for to suppress any blossoming form of individuality and self in the earlier, less secure, stages.

More often then not, during the indoctrination process, the charon will be punished for failing to successfully follow out an order. Very rarely is this because of flat – out disobedience, for, unlike many human children, charons do not undergo a stage of rebellion against their primary authority figures, but rather the charons face punishment for only fulfilling a order in part and not fully. In the earlier stages in the indoctrination process, this could mean telling the charon to refrain from relieving itself until after the lecture is over but accidentally wetting itself anyway to going over the limit in a timed combat practice session in the later stages.

There are two types of punishment. Personal punishment, which the Holder inflicts on his or her charon and Federal punishment, which a superior officer of the Order makes the charon undergo. The primary tool for personal punishment would be the shock collars that are bound to each of the charons' necks. Similarly, each Holder has in their possession the remote to that collar and they can activate it at will and place it at any desired voltage up to the point, of course, that the shock does not become lethal. For the greater the act of disobedience and the frequency in which the orders are disobeyed the higher the voltage becomes. In extreme cases, the Holder may decide to result to a beating along with usage of the collar.

Federal punishment, on the other hand, occurs when a charon disobeys a order which can affect the Order as a whole. In this case, the lightest form of punishment comes in the form of a high voltage shock and a extensive beating. These acts of disobedience are officially known as Violations, a Level Five Violation being the most minor and a Level One being the most serious, which results in a immediate invalidation of the contract and extermination of the charon.

Note: This charon has on its record a Level Two Violation, which resulted in a three hour period within the Pool. Introduction into the Advancement Program took place immediately afterward.

D. Induced Addiction-Like Symptom (IALS)

Put simply, an Induced Addiction-Like Symptom or IALS for short is a compulsion which compels a charon to obey the Holder because obedience itself is similar to a addiction for the charon, complete with a "high" which is a state of inner contentment much like a euphoria and psychological and physical withdraw symptoms, which include tremors and in extreme cases seizures. The IALS is incorporated into the charon after the final phase in the indoctrination process during the second memory wipe. During the second surgery, a piece of pre-war technology known only as the Chip in the order is implanted into the charon's brain. This chip both creates the IALS and genetically modifies the charon.

E. Genetic Modification

The final compulsion, as mentioned earlier, is created within the charon due to the presence of the Chip within the charon's brain. The power of the Chip is such that so long as the charon is in a state of perpetual obedience it will continual to fuel the body with additional strength for the muscles, tissues, bones and the very cells themselves, so that the charon can display clearly inhuman feats, such as, but not limited to, enhanced senses, increased speed and agility, increased endurance and greater physical strength. However, should the charon somehow overcome all the other compulsions to be able to disobey a order the Chip will automatically shut down creating not only a incredible drain in strength and energy but also causing extreme physical and mental pain also. Furthermore, immediately after the pain subsides withdrawal symptoms of the IALS will appear. Depending on the circumstances, such a episode may prove fatal.

IV. The Limitations

1. Any order that conflicts with the First Primary Objective. (i.e. shoot me, hold my head under the water, ect.)

2. Any order that conflicts with the Third Primary Objective. (i.e. cut your throat, walk into the raider base unarmed, ect.)

3. Any order that is clearly impossible to perform. (i.e. walk on water, turn the sky another color, ect.)

4. Any order that threatens the sovereignty of the Spirit of the Contract. (i.e. No longer obey orders, form and/or state opinions/preferences, ect.)

V. Skills

Due to being genetically modified organisms or GMOs all charons have a high pain threshold, physical strength and increased agility and speed. All of the following are skills that are unique to this Holder's charon.

A. Primary Skills

1. Expert combat shotgun efficiency

2. Expert edged weapons efficiency

a. Specialty: combat knife

3. Personal combat shotgun model maintenance

4. Personal combat knife maintenance

5. Personal combat armor maintenance

6. Expert detection of hostiles

7. Expert general survivalist knowledge

a. Specialty: locating defensible shelter

8. Expert reflexes/hand-eye coordination

a. Specialty: grenade throwing

9. Moderate strategy/plan making skills

10. Moderate general survivalist skills

a. Specialty: sneaking/tracking

11. Moderate medic

12. Poor calculations/computations skills

13. Poor unarmed combat skills

B. Secondary Skills

1. Expert writer/reader (For more information about the texts read, refer to your charon)

2. Expert bartering/management skills

3. Expert cook

4. Expert cleaner

5. Expert bartender

6. Expert torturer/interrogator

7. Expert thief

8. Moderate sewer

9. Poor mathematician

10. Poor communication skills (Note: A side-effect of the indoctrination process, should the Holder feel inclined to have a noteworthy conversation with the charon, the Holder themselves must make the initiative.)

Note: Due to the Advancement Program, this one has undergone forced ghoulification and so possesses these additional skills.

1. Instant Regeneration (When in contact with a irradiated substance)

2. Immunity to diseases and poisons.

3. Removal of the Hayflick Limit (Immunity to death by old age)

VI. The Advancement Program

The Advancement Program is one of seven programs started by He Who Communes With The Higher One, Jotelin Himself, and its primary purpose was to find a way to significantly lengthen the lifespans of his followers. Though due to the excruciating pain that goes alongside with forced ghoulification there is a small risk of a charon's faith and psychological conditioning faltering. Due to this, only a select few are incorporated into the Advancement Program and they are typically charons who possess a strong hold on their faith and a fierce loyalty to the Order. Other reasons to be introduced into the Advancement Program are if the charon has a physical appearance which is remarkably above average and thus is a factor that needs to be eliminated and as a punishment for Level 2 Violations, which results in near instantaneous ghoulification. At the present there are 211 charons in total, 78 of which are in the Advancement Program.

VII. The Powered Infantry Armor Brigade

The Powered Infantry Armor Brigade is a division within the Order. The Brigade itself is made up of thirteen Holders and charons who are recognized among the Order for their combat skills. As a member of this Brigade this charon has the distinction of being able to wear and maintain Powered Infantry Armor, also known as Power Armor. The types of Power Armor that this charon is capable of wearing, starting from armor the charon is most familiar with to the armor with the least familiarity are as follows:

1. T-45d Power Armor (The primary Power Armor used in the Capital Wasteland)

2. Advanced Power Armor Mk II (Also known as Enclave Power Armor)

3. Tesla Power Armor

4. T-51b Power Armor

5. Advanced Power Armor

6. Hardened Power Armor

…...

A bit more then, "A piece of paper with some writing on it.", eh?

I just want you all to know that this itself is not a actual chapter. It's more like a reference chapter, in which I, and the readers, can refer back to during the course of the story in order to make sense of what's going on. As for what the story is about, I hope you can all tell by now that it's going to be focused around Charon (game Charon, not my God of Death Charon) and how he became what he became when we, as the players, finally bump into him.

Writing up the Contract was a interesting experience, so too was trying to decide just how much of Charon's past and the Order I wanted to reveal right off the bat. This story is going to be about Charon and how he grew up and ended up "brainwashed" going into detail about the indoctrination, his stay at the Nine Circles, and the in between period. All new, original material, which I think will be a refresher from the walkthroughs with a couple twists that most fanfics end up as. However, I am a bit afraid that I might have went a bit overboard with all the originality. If any of you have any particular questions about the Contract I'll be happy to clarify and try to make it a bit smoother on the second go around.

Well, that's about it. I hope that it was a interesting read, if nothing else. Good day to you all!


	2. Chapter 1

The Essence of Nothing

Chapter One: The Man in the Lab-Coat and the Fake Brother

_My first sound was a crash. _

_To be specific, it was the noise of a metal grate being shoved down on a mountainous pile of concrete rubble – clanging and clattering about before finally lying still. I was curled up in a corner then, covered head to toe in dirt, blood and gore, scrawny arms wrapped around knobby knees. Yet when the crash sounded, instinctively I looked up. There, on the opposite side of the room, midway along the wall, a child's freckled face was smiling at me, scrunched pudgy nose, yellow crooked teeth and all. "There you are!" He exclaimed. _

_The next moment he jumped down, landing gracefully on his feet next to the metal grate. From here, I could make out the boiled leather armor, with metal plates sewn onto the shoulders, that enfolded the boy's form. I could even make out the ragged T – shirt and jeans beneath it. On his hip was a gun, a handgun of what type I can not be sure. But I remember the way it's barrel reflected the light that came from the square hole behind him and the way his sandy hair fell in front of his eyes, parted, fell and parted again with each step. Soon enough, he was standing up in front of me, tanned hand outstretched , a relieved smile in place. I took it. We looked at each other in the eye. He slapped my back, swift and strong, saying, "You shouldn't worry your Big Bro like that, Ra – " _

"Ra, what?" The man in the white lab coat asked.

All of a sudden, the world of a dark, damp, cramped room, brightened only by the light from the previously grate-covered hole and the presence of another, was swiped away in one fell instant. Now, I found myself lying on a firm mattress, a white sheet wrapped around my body and bandages wrapped around my shaved (didn't I have hair?) head. Across from me, the man who spoke sat on a metal stool, legs crossed, pad in lap. He was staring at me intently. Behind him, there was a tinted window and a door.

I thought I felt more piercing gazes, behind that window, on me, but I can't be sure. I was lightheaded.

"Ra, what?" The man in the lab-coat asked again, with his same perpetual calm. As he spoke, the mustache above his lips twitched. Dimly, I thought it looked funny. The man sat higher in the chair – perfecting his posture. "The supposed brother was about to say your alleged name, was he not? What was it? Raymond? Randy? Or perhaps even Wess or Walt?"

_Supposed brother._ His words echoed back at me, stirred away my daze and slammed reality into me suddenly. "Where is he? Where is my brother? Where am I? How did I get here? Who are you? Why am I – "

"Enough." The man held up a hand. The authority of his tone and the strength of his gaze was absolute. "Please calm down, everything will be explained in due course. It appears that you have mistaken this dream you experienced after the procedure to be an actual memory. Most initiates have troubling dreams upon introduction into the Order, but they will fade in time."

He had lost me, but in my confusion I still managed to catch the essential point, "It … it was a dream?" That face – that freckled, smiling face. It didn't exist?

The man nodded , his neatly cropped hair bobbing as he did. "That is correct. Now, rest. It'll take some time for you to regain strength. But during that time, I shall see you regularly. From here on out the two of us are bonded together … in more ways then one." With that, he got up from the stool, when he did I finally noticed how much he loomed over me. He had been looking down at me the entire time as he sat on the stool and now he strolled to the door with sure steps. He said we were bonded together, but somehow I already felt that was a lie. There was a gap between us, and in that space I felt alone, horribly alone. But for some reason, thinking like this made my head hurt.

With self – consciousness pushing me, I asked, "So … what is my name then?"

The man in the lab-coat stopped. His pale hand, a stark contrast from the olive tone of the skin of my fake-brother in the dream, rested itself on the door handle. As I looked at his back, I felt the pain in my head intensify – on one hand, I desperately wanted to get out of the bed and walk towards him so that I could see his eyes as he answered, but on the other, like he said, I was incredibly exhausted. Giving up on getting up from the bed, I fell into the embrace of the sheets and sleep. It was then that the man finally spoke up.

"You have no name. You are a charon, that's all you need to know."

_I am a charon_. I thought, as I noticed, for the first time, something cold biting into my neck as I lie down. _I like the sound of it_. A faint smile flickered on my face as I heard the man close the door behind him. With my eyes closed, the image of those crooked yellow teeth bloomed in my mind, before fading away before the pressing darkness.


	3. Chapter 2

The Essence of Nothing

Chapter Two: The Soft Smile and the Task

"Good morning, charon," The man in the white lab coat said as he pushed open the door. I was already up at that point, and I could feel the covers of the bed fall away as I sat upright, though they still remained wrapped around my lower half. Not that I truly cared, my eyes were focused on the tray in the man's hands, particularly on the contents hidden from sight by a simple, ragged cloth.

"Good morning to you too, Mr. – uh." Just what _was _the man's name anyway?

Somehow the man seemed to know what I was thinking, for he let out a sigh before giving his beard a single tug. "Yes. I was wondering when this would come up. Very well. My name is Doctor Carson Hinddleman. However, under _no _circumstances are you to call me this – do you understand?"

I was quick to nod, but before I could ask the question that was on my tongue the doctor continued.

"Over the course of our time together I'll have you call me by a variety of different names, mainly to test to see if you are capable of doing so." _Why __**wouldn't**_ _I be able to do it?_ I couldn't help but wonder. It was just a name, after all. All you had to do was say it. But these thoughts vanished after the doctor said something far more interesting. "But know that, first and foremost, I am the Holder."

The question rolled off my tongue before I could stop it, "The Holder of what?"

In the short amount of time that I knew the doc – uh, I mean, the Holder, I had come under the impression that the man was made out of stone. But, at that moment, his harsh, sober expression softened and brightened as a smile lit his face. I felt my jaw go slightly slack. "A swift learner!" The Holder exclaimed, before returning back to his more somber air, "However, that is a discussion for another day. Now, do you remember what I told you at my last visit?"

Did I remember? How could I forget?

"About that," I began eagerly, pulling my knees up to my chest as I leaned forward in the bed, the thoughts that had been buzzing around in my head since last night all fighting for dominance. I picked the loudest one. "Just what _is_ a charon?"

I had not been expecting a similar reaction from the man as I got before for my question, which was a good thing, because if I had been I would have been truly disappointed. For at the moment I began to speak up again, the soft look on the Holder's face withered away, leaving behind such a cold and hard look that the rest of my questions that had been jumbling about in my mind – and were there many of them – died in my mouth, and in their wake a shiver curled up my spine.

"Listen well, charon." And in my head, I heard a echo: _Listen up, brat._ "When I am speaking you are to give your absolute attention to my words and only ask questions that relate to what I am saying and / or clarifies any confusion you may have. Anything you want to know or rather _think_ you want to know – hold it. For I will address it at a later time, and if I don't, that's because it's simply not important enough. Do you understand?"

It occurred to me then that I had heard him say that phrase, _Do you understand?_, once before. Just minutes ago, in fact. But the way he said it this time, was vastly different then how the Holder said it before. This time, each word was chipped – given its own weight then dropped, to land heavily down in my gut. I felt my mouth open. Then close. I looked down, cheeks burning. "Yes." I muttered.

"Good," The Holder said, before gently laying down the tray on the nearby metal stool. He then caught me staring at it. "Now, I suppose you are hungry, aren't you?" I could tell this time. I could see it in the man's eyes. It was a type of test, and I would get it right this time.

So, instead of yelling, _Yes! When do I get to eat? _Like I wanted to, I merely said, "Yes."

It was then that I saw it again, that soft smile, the one where his lips twitch. _I was right!_ It was incredible how such a small thing made me so happy. I felt like I was glowing inside. But I didn't let myself smile until the Holder had turned around to pull off the cloth. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to smile or not.

Which was good, because after I caught sight of what waited on the tray I didn't want to anymore anyway.

There, on the tray, was a slice of some type of pink meat, with thin white veins that crisscrossed through it. It was oozing out a yellow liquid that pooled around it. And it was either the puddle or the meat itself that let out a terrible stench, one that seemed to invade my nostrils and then charge all the way down my throat. To the left of the stake was a plastic bottle, filled halfway with a murky, green-tinted water.

My appetite, roaring a moment ago, was abruptly curdled.

"Is there something wrong, charon?" The Holder asked with a strange tint to his eyes. I took a moment to decide what to do, or, more precisely, how to word this in a way that wouldn't make him scowl at me again. In the end, I choose to be as blunt as I could be.

"That doesn't look like it tastes good."

And he, in return, was equally blunt. "That's because it doesn't."

"Oh." Was all I could think of saying.

It was then that the Holder threw the cloth back over it, before sliding his hands underneath it, his knuckles brushing against the metal stool. The next moment he had the tray in his hands again and was walking towards the door, throwing his next words over his shoulder haphazardly, as if he was acting on a whim. "I suppose if you're not hungry now, I can come back later when you are."

It was startling, how quickly my hunger struck then. It didn't take much for it to return. All he had to do was cover it up – obscuring the sight – and make a hint of leaving. And then – wham. I'm starving again. "Wait!" I shouted, pushing the sheets aside, and nearly jumping out of the bed, but a single glance from the Holder was enough to stall me, rooting me in place. Ducking my head down again, I murmured, "I'm hungry. Please don't leave."

I did not see that soft smile this time, but he did stop. I watched, subdued, as he approached the stool once more, gently laying down the tray on it. The Holder looked at me firmly, that tone from before, the one which held its own weight and levity, resounding from him once more. "Which brings us back to the beginning. I'll ask you again: do you remember what I told you last time?"

I choose my words carefully. "You told me that I am a charon, Holder."

That warm feeling returned when I saw that smile again; I had pleased him. The Holder nodded, stating, "That's right. I told you that you're a charon. Now, before you get to eat, I have a task for you." With that he reached into the lab coat, unbuttoning the top two buttons, to reveal a blue collared shirt beneath. It was the first time I noticed it, since the white of the lab coat had all but swallowed the brighter color beneath. He even had a tie, a brown one. To the left of it was a breast pocket, from it the Holder pulled out a single sheet of paper, neatly folded into fourths, and a pencil. "Now, pay close attention." He said, as he unfolded the paper and spread it out on the bed before him. I did as he instructed, watching with my arms wrapped around my knees, as the man bent over the paper, his pencil dancing across the right hand corner.

It was quick, lasting shorter than a eye blink. A moment later, the man turned the paper around, leaving the pencil lying there on the bed. He way he stood back and looked at me told me clearly that he was expecting something from me. But I was not sure what it was. All I could do was admire his handiwork. There were lines, some straight, some curved, and even a circle, like the veins in the odd meat before, but black and neat. I liked the look of it; very pleasant to the eyes.

"This," The Holder said, tapping the markings, "is the word charon. Write it repeatedly, until the page is filled with the word, then you can eat."

_What?_ I wondered, jerking my head up in surprise.

Just in time to see him walk out of the door.


	4. Chapter 3

The Essence of Nothing

Chapter Three: The Revelation and the Rebellion

The room was unbearably silent, with only the scratching of my pencil on the page to break it up. That and the shuffling of the bed sheets as I moved – trying to get comfortable. But then even those two sounds stopped as I leaned back to glance down at the paper. I had written the word charon three times. But my writing of the word looked vastly different than the Holder's. His was so precise and clean that it almost seemed unnatural, while mine were hideously ungainly in comparison.

_Should I just scribble it out or put a line through it and try again?_

The problem with that was that the Holder told me to fill up the entire page with the word, but if I were to cross it out then that space wouldn't be used. Wouldn't that be cheating, somehow? On the other hand, if I keep writing like this and he _did _want my words to mirror his then I might have to do it all over again. Then I'd have to wait even more before I get to eat.

Slowly, as if the Holder was still in the room watching me, I stole a glance at the cloth-covered tray.

_You know, I could just eat it anywa – _

Suddenly, a stabbing pain pierced through my head, causing a hoarse scream to come out of e as the pencil tumbled out of my limp fingers. My hands flew up to my head, cradling it. It was hot. It hurt. Distantly, as if listening through some sort of filter, or eavesdropping from far away, I heard myself groggily ask, "What on earth?"

But no answer came.

Just as swiftly as the migraine came, it fled, leaving me blinking at the flickering lights that filled my vision. Odd things, those lights. I had never seen their like before, yet somehow I knew that they weren't truly lights, just a trick of my mind, there to emphasis the aching of my head. And when that ache faded so too did the lights. All I had left now was fear – deep fear.

Something … something was _wrong_ with me.

It was then that the sight of the tray filled my eyes and simultaneously I remembered both my hunger and the task the Holder wanted me to do. Both grounded me, allowing me to push the fear away and steady myself. _I'll ask the Holder when I see him_. I reassured myself. It was the only thing to do. Obviously, he would know what was going on and how to fix it.

Scooting closer to the paper and picking up the pencil, I got to work again. I started with the first of the six shapes, the one that looked like the left side of a circle if cut in half. I had to keep glancing up at the words above, especially the one that the Holder had written, to try to make them all the same. It was when I was looking back down that I realized my mistake. One of the words, instead of being straight on one of the many lines that ran through the page, dipped down diagonally. _That's definitely not good. But what – _

"Use the eraser."

I nearly jerked up at the sound of the voice. Nearly, that is. While I didn't, I still glanced around wildly. There was no one there. The room was empty. So then where did the voice come from? Also, who was it? Was it the Holder? How was he speaking to me like this? Why –

The Holder's, I was certain this time, voice spoke up again. It came across the room, from a white box that was mounted onto the metal door. How had I not noticed that before? "The pink cube on the end of the pencil," He stated calmly, though there was a hint of something else to it. Derision maybe. As if what he was saying should have been obvious to me. "It's called an eraser, rub it on the mistake and it'll vanish."

So, that's what it was. All the pencils I've seen before didn't have erasers, they were also a lot more burnt. Wait. What? When had I ever seen a pencil before? Or a lab coat for that matter? Or a stool? I couldn't remember ever seeing one before, so how –

_You've apparently never had a brother before either, remember? _

The next thing I knew the covers were off and I was standing.

The pain I felt before was nothing compared to this. This was _excruciating. _But my mind was spinning, thoughts storming. The Holder's voice came out of the white box – the intercom. It was an intercom! "What are you doing, charon? I told you to rest. Stay in bed."

But even the Holder's biting words could not stop me now.

"No!" I shouted, and, oh, _damn_, the pain. The _**pain**_. _Stay in bed. Stay in bed. Stay in bed._ Struck my mind in tune to the pounding in my forehead, each beat making my knees weak and my world spin. I felt like was going to cave in and either collapse there, on the spot, or leap onto the bed and curl up into a tight ball.

But, amazingly, I preserved.

"Why do I know what a intercom is, or a paper, or a tray, when I've never seen any of them before?" I demanded, glaring over at the said intercom as rivulets of sweat poured down my brow, crawling down to my chin. "Why does my head _hurt_ so much?" And as I said it, the pain flared up, as if in answer. I grunted, choked down a scream, and continued. "Who are you _really_? Just what _is _this place? I really _do_ have a brother, don't – "

"I am sorry it had to come to this," The Holder interrupted, and then, to another said,"Activate Shock Level 2."

_What?_

But then I felt my neck heat up as a hum buzzed into my ears. I looked down. I could literally feel my eyes widen; my jaw go slack. There was a metal ring around my neck. Big, heavy, bulky. How had I missed _that_? I felt a deep fear, out of nowhere, leap up and swarm me. It was like a slave collar! A fu – Wait. A what? What's a –

Then it came.

Fire and pain. Intense fire and pain that erupted at my neck and then coursed through me in waves. It felt like every particle of my being was being stabbed and then burnt, simultaneously. Everything swirled about, soaked in black and red and white, while all the while I screamed. I howled. I howled like the rabid dogs did out it the Wastes, slavering jaws coated with spit. The white and the red burried each other, leaving only black.

Only black.

The floor was cold.


End file.
